What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
