the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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