I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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