Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize