I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
