What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
