question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
