my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
