ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
