I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's Friday. Sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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