I'm jealous of your bromance
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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