i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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