I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
