im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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