I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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