I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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