Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
