I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
