She said her name was "party"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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