so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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