Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
