I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
