is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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