Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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