Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
