You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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