put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
