shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
