I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
