It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
