He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
