Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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