it hurts more in the daytime
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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