There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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