Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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