if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
