based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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