What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize