do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
