if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
