she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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