I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
