in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
