SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude i'm inner monologue high
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
