My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The uberlube is also flammable
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
