4 words: hood of his car
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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