so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
