He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
