Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize