Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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