tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
