white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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