omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
