I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize