We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize