She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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