Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
4 words: hood of his car
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
