i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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