this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
