FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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