We're like a lot better than the average bears
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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