I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
